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Embedded in the Christian community, as well as the secular, is the notion and practice that marriage is non-existent unless each participant makes a vow to the other in front of a government official, and in most cases other witnesses. Once this is accomplished, the official declares, “By the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
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Believers in Jesus Christ defend Christian marriage based on these stated vows. They proclaim that we will be accountable to God for our vows to one another, and they are correct. We will be held accountable before God to uphold whatsoever we have sworn by oath, but when it comes to the vows that supposedly makes a Christian marriage, are the stated vows valid and are they acceptable to God? Are they even necessary?
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What is a vow? When two people state their vows to one another to unite in marriage, they can concoct the vows to say or imply whatever they want. The most popular is “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” Just to pick out one aspect of this vow, what is their meaning for “worse?” If this were true, there would never be a divorce. Just how bad do they consider the word “worse” to mean? Some have vowed to each other “as long as our love shall last.” I take this to mean that one could abandon the other, because now their love for the other has diminished and then, go take another to marry, doing it all over again. Would this vow be acceptable to God in that He would join two together based on this vow? Would this fit within His framework and commands of Biblical marriage?
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Does the Creator of marriage base that union on the content of our vows? Does our responsibility end with our stated vows? If so, then marriage is defined based upon what our vows encompass (what we mean at the time) and not what God has prescribed. If we think that, then we are sorely mistaken and in deep trouble. In fact, vows aren’t even conditional in the making of a Biblical marriage. If one examines the Scriptures, one will see that Biblical marriage was not fortified based on our present cultural system of vow making.
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In Biblical times, a marriage covenant was a binding agreement between two men for the purchase of a virgin girl for marriage (betrothal). The covenant was just the beginning process. Covenants were binding and important, but Biblical marriage went beyond the betrothal covenant. There was the act of consummating – completing that lawful secular covenant of marriage into a lawful Biblical marriage. This was accomplished within the bedchamber. It was here where the male and female’s sexual intimacy consummated that agreement, which then made them one in body (“one flesh”) before God. Once this bedchamber consummation occurred, the covenant had no more relevance. It became a marriage under God’s law and not secular law.
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Joseph and Mary were husband and wife by covenant to begin with. However, Joseph did not marry (“know”) Mary until after she had birthed Christ. A male betrothed to a female could take his lawful wife at any time, as long as he satisfied the covenant with the female’s father. He could make a Biblical marriage whenever he decided (see 1Corinthians 7:36&37).
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The celebrations of marriage, read about in the Scriptures, took place after the bedchamber encounter – once they were truly married. After this occurred, the covenant was replaced and become insignificant to the physical sexual intimacy of the bedchamber. It is here where God joined them together for life. As Jesus declared in Matt. 19:6, “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” It is exclusively the violation of this physical marital union (fornication) where Jesus addressed the “putting away” (divorce) and not the violation of a covenant or vow. One cannot commit fornication against a covenant or a vow. Fornication is a sexually intimate engagement that defiles ones body, and if married makes that marriage defiled.
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A couple of examples of what makes a Biblical marriage are seen in Genesis. One is seen when Abraham sent his servant to fetch a wife for Isaac. He sent his servant back to his kinsman with possessions to covenant a wife for Isaac. The servant returned with Rebekah. Once the servant told Isaac all that had transpired in finding Rebekah, the Bible declares, “Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved [served] her (Gen. 24:67).” This was before Mosaic law governing betrothal marriage.
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Another example was when Jacob covenanted with Laban to have Rachel as his wife. Notice how that after working seven years what the outcome was to be. Laban was supposed to have delivered Rachel to Jacob’s bedchamber for him to marry her. Laban didn’t honor the covenant, but deceived Jacob and delivered Rachel’s sister Leah instead. Once Jacob had been sexually intimate (married) with Leah, he was now bound to her even though he was deceived – even though Leah was not part of the covenant. The bedchamber had power over the covenant. Also notice that he had to make a new covenant with Laban for Rachel and could not take Rachel to wife until Leah had her week of marriage celebration. Then Jacob took Rachel into the bedchamber and married her (Genesis Chapter 29).
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You see, Biblical marriage involves much more than just a vow or covenant. Hence, why one cannot find in Scripture one illustration or allusion to a male and female making any vow or covenant for marriage between them, because none is needed. Scripture already defines our responsibility to that marriage. It’s imperative that we understand God’s way of marriage and not just accept what someone else tells us, whether it be the culture or even the church. As I stated in another place, God’s definition of marriage can be found in His Word. It’s a matter of whether we want to accept it or not. Not accepting it is to our own peril and to the detriment of the church.