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In a true Biblical marriage (sexual intimacy), a God approved marriage between two sexually eligible believers, and I don’t mean by a covenant, no government or religious organization has any power or authority in the making of one or annulling one as well. It is exclusively determined and enacted by God and the Christian individual(s) involved.
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Note that I said, “God and the “Christian individual(s).” The reason I said it this way is because true marriage belongs only to God, a Christian man legitimately married to a Christian woman, or a Christian woman legitimately married to a Christian man and no other.
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Biblical marriage is strictly a Christian institution and is hallowed. It is separate from all other marriages. It is a Godly union to the born-again Christian male and female – exclusively. This is so, because it consists of two sexually eligible human beings becoming one flesh by a God induced and God-centered conjoining, based upon their new creation in Christ and being joined to Him – the body of Christ.
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The purpose of this holy conjoining is for God to be glorified in this world through the Christian man and woman He creates, and in the God ordained depiction that their marriage emits. Through the Christian’s commitment (I will address this shortly) exercised in their physical fleshly marriage, according to the order and instruction commanded (not suggested) in Scripture, they exemplify their spiritual marriage to Christ, as a member of His body – the church.
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To those who defile (fornicate) God’s defined physical conjoining, which will concur to both their spouse and to Christ in tandem, there are Scriptural declarations of judgment regarding the consequences for doing such a thing and continuing in it. Defiling a Biblical marriage does not glorify God. Nor is it any longer holy and sacred.
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As should have been obvious, none of these things, which I have just mentioned, pertain to the marriage of unbelievers. Why? Until one is born again, their body is dead and impure. They carry on and dwell in the make-up of the old creation – the first Adam. The unbeliever has no connection to or impact on Christ, both in a good marital joining or in a fornicated defiled one, as does the believer. They are not connected (married) to Christ. Fornication engaged in by the unbeliever does not affect or, rather, infect the body of Christ as does the Christian’s fornication.
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Neither can unbelievers receive God’s blessings or benefits when appropriately married (sexual intimacy) – unless by chance, they are appropriately married to a true Christian because of the conversion of their spouse to Christ within their marriage. For the unbelieving is sanctified by the believing spouse (1Corinthians 7:14,). However, this marriage is still not equivalent to a couple “Biblically married,” as I pointed out in the previous verse.
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This is so, because the Christian’s body is not their own. It is connected to Christ; it is Christ’s. It is critical therefore for the Christian to be prudent concerning the management of that body, including their physical sexually intimate connections, “…shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? God forbid…” (1 Corinthians 6:15&16); “be not unequally yoked with unbelievers…” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
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Another very important fact and proof of Christian exclusiveness in marriage, which Christendom consistently fails in understanding is the fact that we don’t go back to Genesis to discover the essence of our male/female Christian marriage. The male/female Christian marital joining goes beyond the original declaration in the garden of “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh… Therefore, man shall leave father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife…” (Genesis 2:23&24). But rather, hear what the Apostle Paul says in Ephesians 5:30&31, “For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” Our Christian male/female sexual joining is altogether different, then what it is when not a member of Christ’s body. Why? Because we are “a new creation in Christ.” “Old things are passed away [our ‘old man’ is dead], and all things are become new” (2Corinthians 5:17).
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Christ is pure and holy. Through redemption the Christian’s body is made pure and holy as His body. Therefore, the believer must not mismanage their body to defile it but sanctify it and keep it in a pure and holy state, particularly their sexually intimate connections. Once washed and made holy, the believer does not connect their self to something unholy, “be not unequally yoked with unbelievers,” or engage in the defiling mud of sin like they once did, “And such were some of you: but ye are washed…” (1 Corinthians 6:11).
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For the born-again Christian to defile their body is to defile the body of Christ, because they are attached to His body. All acts of sexual fornication (adultery, homosexuality, bestiality) defile the body. These sexually intimate acts defile the created design assigned to the bodies of men and especially to the bodies of believers who are connected to Christ, as well. These are unlawful and defiling fleshly connections.
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However, when a Christian is married legitimately (intimately joined to another sexually; acceptable to God), they glorify God in His creation and redemption. It is a male connecting (sexual intimacy) himself to his female helpmate, whom God designed for him making them one, as Christ is one with His church. Done this holy legitimate way by Christians, marriage is sacred. Otherwise, it is fornicated and defiled.
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Once connections are made through this sexual intimacy, there is only one means for that connection to no longer exist, and for a legitimate marriage to be made to another: 1. The death of either spouse in a legitimate undefiled marriage (Romans 7:2&3). Note: This does not apply to one in an unbelieving marriage and becomes a new convert to Christ, where their unbelieving spouse does not convert and departs because they are not pleased to dwell with their converted spouse. Any defiled connection engaged in will permanently defile the Christian’s body, where the death of the other they defiled themselves with does not remove the defilement, whether that defilement engaged in was adultery (illegitimate marriage), homosexuality, or bestiality.
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If in a legitimate marriage and a spouse commits sexual fornication (see again how I defined fornication above) against the other, although the connection is not eliminated to that violating spouse, this automatically requires (demands) sexual separation by the innocent spouse from their violating spouse. The violating spouse is now connected to more than one in a defiled manner. If it be the man in adultery, he now has two bodies (wives). If it be the wife in adultery, she now has two heads (husbands; consider the Samaritan woman at the well). If it be homosexuality or bestiality, it is utter “confusion.” The violating spouse has done what Scripture declares those regenerated in Christ are not to do – fornicate their bodies. It’s this permanent marital defiling by the violating spouse that frees the innocent spouse from the connection for their purity’s sake. The fornicator will never be free and can never legitimately marry again. Every sexual engagement thereafter with the opposite sex will be fornicated to them and their other. Forgiveness does not eliminate their original unholy physical connection. Their body is permanently defiled.
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Understand also, just getting a divorce under our present secular system does not separate a Biblical marriage.
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Now, let me point out this very important truth to those of you who want to know more of the difference between Biblical marriage and secular marriage.
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Everything you hear by the church concerning the Christian heterosexual marriage is about the “commitment” of the husband to the wife and wife to the husband. They proclaim that it is the commitment to each other that makes and sustains their marriage. Well, they are right to a point. However, this commitment to each other is nothing more than, and only culminates from, their one-flesh union and commitment to the instructions and commands given to us by God’s Word on what they are to be, as well as their individual sexual conduct while in that marriage. Just declaring verbally to be committed doesn’t make a Biblical marriage.
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Therefore, to be committed to your spouse is really a commitment not so much to them, but to Christ – in obedience as a member of His body and the fulfillment of your calling in glorifying Him. Within the Christian marriage, commitment to each other is the product of commitment and obedience to Christ. Your love to one another starts with loving Christ and keeping His commandments. Unbelievers don’t live by Christ’s commandments and can have their own ideas of commitment. Christian marital commitment isn’t based upon what either of the spouse’s believes it should be either.
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When marital instruction in the New Testament is obeyed, it makes a wonderful and endearing marriage, because it is God ordained and blessed. This depicts the church’s blessed and ordained marriage (not covenant) to Christ as being one with Him. Each believer is a member of His body, now. Not as a bride for future marriage but married to Him now.
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For those who believe the church is the “bride of Christ” you contradict that belief by also saying that the church is the body of Christ. For no bride is a body to any man, only a married woman is the man’s body. Since we are the body of Christ now, we are not the bride of Christ, but, rather, are married to Him. However, our marriage to Him is not as a husband to a wife but rather joined to Him as his body. As Christ is masculine the church is also, not feminine. We are “His” body. The pronoun for Christ’s body is “it,” not “she” or “her.” Sexual fornication defiles it! For more understanding on the bride of Christ, see my article Marriage, Fornication, and the Bride of Christ Part 1&2.
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Note: The earthly marriage of two becoming one in the flesh depicts our heavenly connection. Our connection to Christ does not depict the earthly marriage. As a Christian, God’s redemption through His Spirit married (joined) me to Christ making us one body and spirit. Through sexual intimacy, I became married to my wife making us one flesh only.
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My wife and I have to laugh when many Christian men call their wives their “bride.” These are uncorrelated and terms. It’s a game they play, I suppose, to make their wives feel special or to make us assume something endearing between them. I don’t know. However, a bride is not one with anyone until married. I will never call my wife my bride. She and I are one now, as Christ and I are one now. Think about it. As Christ is the head of the church (body), the husband is the head of his wife (body). It denigrates my wife’s position to refer to her as my bride (no connection to me). It depicts how Christian men and women have no respect for the depth of meaning to those labels. Also, it’s interesting how the wives of those who call their wife as such, never call them their groom?
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So, when you have a true Christian marriage and there is turmoil within it, what you see is not one or both spouses not being committed to the other, but, rather, one or both are not committed and obedient to Christ and His Word. This can happen either through ignorance or from a blatant disobedience to Biblical instruction.
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Again this is where the Christian marriage is separate from all others. We know this, because the commands given to a husband and wife in Scripture are not given to unbelievers, but to a believing husband and a believing wife.
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Let’s observe 1Pet 3:1-7, which vividly confirms that commitment to each other in a Christian marriage is a subset of commitment and obedience to God’s Word:
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1. Verses one and two declare “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives. While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”
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Okay, do you see who the wife is really committed to? It is Christ. That she obeys the Word, even though her husband is not obeying. Peter declares that her commitment to being subject to her Christian husband, exemplifying a holy “conversation” (lifestyle), and “fear” (to be found right before God) is to exist regardless of the husband’s lack of commitment (barring sexual fornication). She subjects herself to her husband, because she is commanded by God’s Word and is committed to obedience, as a member of the body of Christ.
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How often, among true Christian marriages, will one or both spouses not be committed to Christ within their marriage? How many divorces and then ultimate fornications occur because of this lack of obedience with the excuse being, “my spouse is not being what they are supposed to be” (see my article “Marriage: What’s Love God To Do With It?”)?
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The only act of non-commitment by one of the spouse’s, which Christ does not expect the other to tolerate is if fornication is committed. In this, they must put away the violator, because the marriage has been defiled. The oneness of their marriage is defiled and cannot be put back to its exclusivity. The fornicator not only polluted the oneness and exclusivity of their spousal connection (Biblical marriage) but also polluted their connection (marriage) to the body of Christ. This is the ultimate act of disobedience to Christ within the marriage. Only the violated spouse is capable of “marrying another” after divorce and that is conditional on them not being sexually intimate with their violating spouse immediately, once they are aware of the fornication.
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Of course, as I have stated clearly before, a fornicated union is not a Biblical marriage. Only those who are eligible to be connected (sexually intimate) with another are legitimately marriage. It is foolish to presume that within a fornicated union being committed to Christ is valid or possible. If it be adulterous, then they are not your legitimate wife/they are not your legitimate husband.
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And to all those so-called homosexual Christians – STOP deceiving yourselves. This marital instruction of commitment and obedience to Christ can never be fulfilled by you. It doesn’t apply to two men or two women. This connection is pure fornication and never a marriage in the flesh, let alone a depiction of the marriage of Christ to His church. Hence, why no instruction for your falsely claimed marriage, whatsoever.
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If there are holy requirements for a man and woman to be legitimately married and not in fornication, how could anyone even imagine that two of the same gender would be qualified. Homosexual intimacy is pure fornication and defilement of the flesh and body of Christ. Hence, why there is no Biblical instruction for such defiling unions, just as the instruction given between male to female marriages only applies to legitimate undefiled marriages.
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Just the fact that homosexuals have to invent a new definition for the word “gay” to deceptively portray themselves positively, in contrast to all other words that have portrayed them negatively in history, i.e. “homosexual” or “sodomite,” proves historically that it is an abnormal and sinful lifestyle and deed.
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To all fornicators, hear this truth, turn from your sin, and save yourself from the wrath of God. If anyone wants to know the truth of Biblical marriage, I have freely offered plenty of instruction through my articles, and in one article on what one should do if they are found in violation of it. You have no excuse.
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2. Verse seven says, “Likewise, ye husband’s, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered.”
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The distinction of the believing husband as opposed to the unbelieving, as well as the position that both the husband and wife possess in Christ is clearly seen here. Of the former, they are both “heirs together of the grace of life,” and of the latter, the Christian husband will be adversely affected by his disobedience through “hindered prayers.”
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Biblical marriage is a Christian institution exclusively. It is not to be compared to the marriage of unbelievers as being equal, as is the case with Christendom. The only benefit that unbelievers will receive if they adopt Biblical instruction within their appropriate secular union is that they will find their union a good one and society will be the better for it. It is far more advantageous, though, to have it in Christ, both now and eternally, “For bodily exercise profiteth little: but Godliness is profitable unto all things…” (1Timothy 4:8).
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Christians, begin living your marriages according to God’s Word! When you don’t, you blaspheme His Word. It is your responsibility to show the world what true marriage is. Instruction and understanding concerning it was granted to you. If you will hear God’s Word and what I teach here, your marriage and the understanding of it will be a blessing to you, Christ, and the world.
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As long as the present-day church continues to hold to its secular marital concepts, it will continue to fail and encourage sin. It’s time for the church to get it right and stand upon true Biblical marital principles.